How do you feel about silence? Do you enjoy quiet moments, or do you prefer some background sound to fill the space? Being comfortable or uncomfortable in the silence on your own is one thing to think about but what happens when you are in in the presence of another person, and the room goes quiet?

Moments of silence in therapy

Like many relational interactions, therapy too has its moments of silence. As a therapist, it’s important to understand not only how you feel during these silences but also how your client may be experiencing them.

What does silence mean for clients?

For clients, silence in therapy can evoke various emotions and reactions. Some may find silence awkward, choosing to look away or rush to fill the quiet with words. This may stem from social norms and etiquette, or it could be a response to social anxiety. Silence might also be a way to avoid, and keep difficult thoughts and emotions at bay.

In addition to these feelings, clients who are new to therapy or unsure of what to expect may interpret silent moments between the therapist and themselves as unusual or 'unnatural'. For others, silence could signal a need for reassurance. Clients might be waiting for you to respond and want to hear your thoughts and see if they have been truly understood.

Past experiences may also influence how clients perceive silence. For some, it might bring up memories of difficult moments, such as receiving the 'silent treatment' or 'stone walling' during an argument, or silence that might have preceded a difficult moment. Such associations can make silence feel uncomfortable or even distressing.

For neurodivergent clients, communication styles can impact whether there are any moments of silence during a session and how silence is experienced in a session. Does silence feel under-stimulating or soothing? Are silences filled as an impulse? Understanding these nuances is crucial when working with neurodivergent clients, as their experience of silence can differ greatly from others.

Observing silence as a therapist

As a therapist, noticing and understanding the silent moments in therapy can be a simple yet powerful skill. Silence can be a sign that clients are processing or reflecting on something you've said or could be a moment of realisation. It may indicate that a client is feeling a particular emotion or could be a moment for them to just be, and experience whatever they are feeling in the safe presence of another.

Silence might also be a moment for you as a therapist to think about what the client has said, or to simply give them the space to express themselves freely—something they may not have experienced before.

In conclusion, silence could have multiple meanings in a therapy session, both for the client and for the therapist. Tuning into these moments could offer insights into the general therapeutic process and help you understand your client more deeply.

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